August 1st, 2012
So today is the “First Day” officially of my effort to climb back into my life. The new budget my 4+ children and I must follow is brutal, but should have been faced many years ago. My new year starts today, in August, because I cannot wait until January.
The reality that I live in a very limiting, small town occurred to me as I mindlessly looked at my Facebook page. I noticed certain connections of old friends who are friends with people who will never accept me because, frankly, I am just not part of the chosen group of artists types — Artists-types that I admire, by the way. It also occurred to me that I hate this town. I will never blend. Never. (This is my home town). I’ve disclosed my opinions far too often and with no class (drinking, yelling — I am course and crude). I thought I could be free with my opinions and passions, but I was WRONG. I have been wrong every time, and no one forgets…
Earlier, feeling slightly positive about things, the thought that I let rattle around in my head all day was this: Should I start a blog as in “for reals?” Should I try to entertain and/or help human readers (somehow) with my blog and try to make money from it? I found an online course that would teach me how to do it for a mere 97 dollars. I considered the price as reasonable until I read how many new “members” this particular blogger bragged, ahem, I mean congratulated for signing up to his course. I started to do the math and thought, Wow! If I could only write a blog about how to write a blog and then create a Product ( a list of how to do it) then I, too would have a worthy topic. But that’s dumb, right? Like selling bottled water — who would ever buy it?
No… I must write about something I am an expert in… hmmm. Tough thought. The only thing I am an expert in is how to fuck up my life.
Yeah! That’s it! I will write a blog about How
Not To Live One’s Life.
Some examples I could include in my future product:
- Kiss ass — don’t try to march to your own drummer.
- Keep your opinions to yourself: No one wants to hear them anyway. Unless, of course, you know they already agree with you – then go ahead! Earn some Kiss Ass Cred!
- Be really, really cool to know. A single-mom struggling to keep her children happy, healthy and balanced, while trying to secretly deny the 6-year-plus demolition of her 22-year marriage is not cool and No One wants to hear about it.
- DO NOT BE A LONER. It didn’t work for SHANE either.
- Pick the side that has connections and money.
- If you’re a heterosexual woman — always be really, really sweet and “nice” to everyone – no matter what, even if you don’t mean it. Unless you’re a lesbian — if so, blunt opinions and honest answers are not only acceptable, but preferred.
- DO marry for money.
I know it’s not perfect. I am working on it. At least it’s a beginning. I will have to refine my list, of course — add some links, other bloggers to it, and include good photos, etc., but then that’s what this next year is about — finding my way out of this situation with all members of this family (including me) in tact.
This is where I start, at the bottom of the bloody, dark, sarcastic sea….