I’ve fought it for months. I’ve listened to inspirational recordings by prominent TV pastors, read inspirational, uplifting newsletters and articles, read The Secret, and I receive inspirational emails. These things have helped – and yet, I feel it coming.
It’s a slow storm moving toward me.
I think I know what causes it. Constant fear and a wall of regret. It’s the fear I’ll never be happy again. I’m faking it as best I can, but it’s just not working.
What I need to stop it — for me — it’s a matter of accomplishment. I think. I need to accomplish something that will allow me to remove this shame.
Tonight, as I listen to the dishwasher hum and bump the dishes clean with sprays of water, I am praying.
Dear God — please hold me up.
I’ve started a new script — a short – about couples and their conversations at various stages of their lives, and I am praying.
A call tonight from J. He tells me that a board fell and hit him in the head while he was at work. He doesn’t think he suffered a concussion. He says he “saw stars, though.”
Great. 1300 miles away and what can I do?
Nothing but write. And pray. Lord, have mercy on us.