Here It Comes

 

I’ve fought it for months.  I’ve listened to inspirational recordings by prominent TV pastors, read inspirational, uplifting newsletters and articles, read The Secret, and I receive inspirational emails.  These things have helped – and yet, I feel it coming.

It’s a slow storm moving toward me.

I think I know what causes it.  Constant fear and a wall of regret.   It’s the fear I’ll never be happy again.  I’m faking it as best I can, but  it’s just not working.

What I need to stop it — for me — it’s a matter of accomplishment.  I think.  I need to accomplish something that will allow me to remove this shame.

Tonight, as I listen to the dishwasher hum and bump the dishes clean with sprays of water, I am praying.

Dear God — please hold me up.

I’ve started a new script — a short – about couples and their conversations at various stages of their lives, and I am praying.

A call tonight from J.  He tells me that a board fell and hit him in the head while he was at work.  He doesn’t think he suffered a concussion.  He says he “saw stars, though.”

Great.  1300 miles away and what can I do?

Nothing but  write.   And pray.  Lord, have mercy on us.

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About Fringe Details

I write spec screenplays. Mum of five awesome people and caretaker of 6 chickens, five cats and one smelly dog. View all posts by Fringe Details

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