md-snowglobe1Middle of the Night. I had thoughts that told me to keep fighting. ( I am only fighting myself.  There is no other fight.)

This morning, I have a headache and wait for my coffee to finish brewing. Need it now…

The TV is on and a Congressional hearing discusses the debacle of the “Affordable Care Act.”  No doubt the hearing will result in bluster and posturing, but solutions? Ha — only if one side can blame and ruin the other side.

I have a three-hour block of time before I have to leave my lair.   After those three hours, all the other stuff will resume,  But at this moment I remind myself that everyone has to fight.  And I cannot allow myself to give in to my doubts. I cannot allow despair to enter.  The circumstances don’t matter.

If I twist my life around as if I were looking at it through a snow globe, it looks pretty good.  It’s a good life. Exciting?  No.  Lonely?  Sometimes — whose isn’t?  But I’m still here.  I’m still going for what I’ve always wanted.  I haven’t quit — despite appearances.  Sometimes I wish I could.  It’s at those times I become sad.  Today I cannot allow it.

If I could pick a driving emotion today I would pick anger over sadness.  Sadness signals that I’m weakened.  Anger means I won’t go down without a fight.  Is there an option that is neither of those that will propel me forward?

Joy?  Thinking…

But not for too long. I’ve got some things to finish and need to put my thoughts there instead.


About Fringe Details

I write spec screenplays. Mum of five awesome people and caretaker of 6 chickens, five cats and one smelly dog. View all posts by Fringe Details

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