New Year 2014

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I didn’t make any new resolutions this year.
I didn’t write down my affirmations and burn them with the flame of a candle in my backyard.  ( That was last year.)
I did not have a list of accomplishments from last year — no time spent reflecting how far I’ve come.
I look at my children’s lives.  I see growth there.  But they are children.  They are designed to grow.

What about me?  That’s still my question for myself to answer.  When will I grow, move on, pursue the life I’ve wanted.  Will I forever be a coward, unable to accept the effort and risk involved to accomplish my own desires?

Imagine standing on a boulder along the river.  I need to get across the river.  Imagine it’s the month of May.  Spring runoff.

I have to get from HERE to THERE, on the other side of the river where the grass may not be greener, but perhaps there is an elk that I can shoot so that I may feed my family.

I can’t swim.  Even if I could, I couldn’t swim and win against the high, muddy flood waters between this lone rock and the other side.

“Hello, Elk!”

Elks says nothing, chews on the nutrition rich grasses.  Ignores me.

I want that Elk.

I have a bow and a few arrows.  I could shoot the elk, maybe, from here.  If it weren’t for the western winds, combined with the updraft from the rushing water of the river.

If I killed it from here, I would still be here and it would still be there.

I have to get across the river.  Somehow.

I look to the left and right of me.  A shore of jagged rocks, much like the one I stand upon.  More rocks, everywhere.

But in the distance, upstream I faintly see a fallen tree that stretches across the most narrow span of the river.
To my right then, I will step stone by stone by stone to reach that makeshift bridge.

That’s what I’ve got to do.

I suspect the bridge will be slippery and wet.  I suspect it will be narrow and taper at the top of the tree as I near the other side. I could fall into the muddy, dangerous waters, be washed down stream into nothingness.

If I cross it successfully, something unexpected might happen.  The elk may move on. It may leave to another grazing area and I would still lose.

Or he might hang out.  Maybe he’s stuck as I am.
I can dream up several disastrous scenarios, if I like.

But if I truly want to get to the other side, this one route is the way I must go.  I must take one step to the stone next to this one.

Then from there, take a small jump over to the next stone and so on.

It’s the only way I see.  If there’s a better way, I’d take it.  I don’t see one.

While I take my slow and sometimes difficult steps along the way, I can’t dwell on what the elk does.  I must have faith the prize will be there when I arrive.

And if it’s not?

I have two new choices: Go back or go forward.  It’s as easy as that.

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About Fringe Details

I write spec screenplays. Mum of five awesome people and caretaker of 6 chickens, five cats and one smelly dog. View all posts by Fringe Details

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