3 a.m. I wake up scared.
There is absolutely no reason for my fear. The house is quiet. I find my glasses and look outside. It’s still snowing. Kind of like seeing the sunrise around here — all is well as long as we have snow.
I check the locks. All good. I find the dog in the dark. It is too early for breakfast so he didn’t get up to greet me. I pet him. Yes, he breathes. Good. Cats? Ah, forget the cats. I know they’re fine. Besides, if Tigger — the kids named him, not me — had an epileptic fit, I’d recognize the thumping sound.
I can hear the kitchen clock. I had no idea it was that loud.
The bathroom light is on, so someone has been up. Everyone is asleep now. Everyone except me. It was nothing. Nothing scared me. (Or should I write, nothing scares me… If nothing was a someone then, maybe I’d be onto something. O geez-uz. I’m tired. Quit talking to myself).
Water. Maybe I need some H2O. Done. I’ll go back to sleep, but of course I can’t. I lay there, turn on my usual podcasts to help calm me to sleep. I listen to two, 31 minute podcasts. They must have eventually worked because when the alarm rings at 5:50 a.m. I wake again and feel like crap. There is a fresh kink in my neck. I must have slept wrong.
5:51 a.m. Think: What am I doing? And why? Eyes open, I command thee! Stretch! Think something “Happy!” Force thyself! Feet on floor! (I can talk to myself with thee, thou and thy because no one actually witnesses my ridiculousness.) I check the phone; no messages from the school. Give it another hour, maybe they’ll call. Snow days are rare around here, but we hope for them. But then I hear a snow plow pass through our street. Hope fades…
Groggy, I turn on Spotify and crank up my WAKEUP AND WRITE list. My fears are gone. I brew coffee and rock out to “Work Bitch.” My kids, like zombies, stumble out of their rooms, looking at me as though I’ve lost my mind. Ha. They are wising up to me. Finally.
Here’s the playlist:
Macklemore & Ryan Lewis – Can’t Hold Us – feat. Ray Dalton
will.i.am – Scream & Shout
Imagine Dragons – On Top Of The World
Bastille – Pompeii
Caro Emerald – Back It Up
Ke$ha – Warrior
Jake Bugg – Lightning Bolt
MGMT – Time to Pretend
Lorde – Royals
Rogue Wave – Bird On A Wire
Night Beds – Ramona
James – Laid
Guaranteed to get you up and moving. Good Morning.