Now that I made the decision, I’m not angry anymore. It’s funny. All the anger just went away.
I am sad now.
Sad it has to be this way. Sad it couldn’t have worked out differently. Sad I never thought we’d go this far. Sad we seemed like a such a good pair. I’m sad that I know I am doing the right thing. I’m sad that I’m hurting someone I loved for a very long time. I’m sad that I feel guilt and a bit of shame for trying to save myself. I found out after seven plus years, I still have a touch of survival instinct.
And I feel bad about it. I reached a limit and even now I cannot define that limit.
It’s going to take a lot of wine and a lot of writing to get through this. I have to make something of this pain. Otherwise, I’m going to experience a whole new level of crazy.